an exposé on ’80s music, part 1
why an exposé on ’80s music, you might be asking? mostly because i’m bored. and secondly, ’80s music fascinates me. it was so gaudy and so loud and utilized way too many synthesizers, but it still was just…catchy and wonderful all at once. this piece will utilize some classic ’80s music videos to really take a guided tour through some of the worst yet best music ever conceived (in no particular order). perhaps, through these neon-laden, big-haired dance numbers we might better understand the cultural and social values of the ’80s. i guess, if nothing else, we can at least make fun of what people thought was “rad” back then.
anyway, are you ready? put on your stone-washed jeans, pull out your traveling wilburys tee, and let’s get started. where we’re going, we don’t need roads!
first up, a classic from robin sparkles: “let’s go to the mall.”
now this just boggles me. the entire song is about going to the mall. robin sparkles is calling for teenagers everywhere to give in to their deep-seeded primal shopping urges (resulting of course in anarchy), asks them to abandon school, and demands that they hang out at the mall where you can hit on the “boy you like.” as she goes on to sing:
“let’s go to the mall, you won’t be sorry. put on your jelly bracelets and your cool graffiti coat. at the mall, having fun is what it’s all about.”
it’s a good thing she was a one-hit wonder and that no one really even remembers this “gem.” truth be told, if they did, society would have collapsed. even reagan wouldn’t have been able to pull america out of this one. and jelly bracelets? ew, gross.
next up, wham! with “wake me up before you go-go.”
how anyone could not think he was gay is beyond me. the transforming into cut-off jorts (and very low-cut jorts at that) would seem to clinch the argument. as you can see from the vid, they’ve just discovered black light and go to town incorporating wherever they can. just…ugh. this has fashion nightmare written all over it. and what does this song even mean?
“you put the boom-boom into my heart, you send my soul sky-high when your lovin’ starts. jitterbug into my brain, goes a-bang-bang-bang ‘til my feet do the same.”
what? while this song is catchy and surely made wham! a household name, it really is pretty idiotic, as most songs from the ’80s were. the lyrics are garbled and incoherent, and the band is teaming with homosexual perspiration. all in all, a good song, a very lame and frightening video, and some confusing memories about our sexuality.
and how about some irene cara action? yes, this may be a live version of her hit “what a feeling,” but it’s all i could find and she sounds fantastic. quite frankly, this is one of my guilty pleasures.
god. how could anyone say anything bad about her? it’s just so…good. what a feeling indeed. the song speaks volumes for the repressed, lost generation of dancers who were told by their families/townfolk/parents/ministers that dancing was a sin. hell no! you tell em, irene!
oh, and watch carefully for the guy in suspenders. he’s my next favorite part of this vid. him and the guy with the novelty-sized tooth brush. ha!
just squeaking at the end of the ’80s, the new kids on the block with “hangin’ tough.”
i put nkotb on here for one reason and one reason alone: growing up, mostly in elementary school (having nothing whatsoever to offer the opposite sex), i used to dream of being one of them. literally. i used to want to be able to transform in to joey during recess so the girls would flock to me. this might be the most private thing i’m willing to admit…ever. please be gentle, dear reader. i was, after all, only a disillusioned child of the slap-bracelet era.
lastly, we arrive at the vapors and their classic song, “turning japanese” which seems to be about nothing more than their obsession with asian women. check it out.
wow. it’s amazing these guys didn’t have a more lucrative career! ::shudder::
while not necessarily politically correct, what these videos demonstrate, thus far, is a need to express oneself amid the new artform of music videos, amid growing technology (usually some hackneyed camera affect by today’s standard). they used this medium to really get a message across, whether it be their need to dance, their fetish for small, oriental women, or their rampant and quite startling admittance of being gay without actually saying it outloud. i think we can all agree that the ’80s was an era of growth and maturity and bright, sickeningly-bright colors.
stay tuned for part 2 which will include such mega-hits as:
· falco’s “rock me amadeus”
· aha’s “take on me”
· dexys midnight runners with “come on eileen”
· and more!
ciao for now.
(oh, and be sure to let me know if you know of any other ’80s artists that should be spotlighted.)
robby @ 11:47 am on 8/23/07
How Michael Jackson and his sister Janet escaped this list is beyond me, but to leave out such classics as “Thriller” and “Control” or “Nasty Boys” is a crime.
Let us not forget Paula Abdul. “Straight Up,” she was bitchin’. And “Forever Your Girl” is amazing.
Perhaps the biggest atrocity is the lack of Madonna on your list. Our girl Madonna is straight out of mid-Michigan, and even pledged my sorority at UMich for the semester or two she was there before she decided to pursue that whole music career situation. That’s right, we use that as a rush tool. Who wouldn’t? I’d say you take a second look at “Like A Prayer,” “Like A Virgin,” and “Holiday.” Maybe “Get Into the Groove.” Madonna is absolutely noteworthy here, and is still hotter than most of us will ever be at 40+. She is also one of few musicians-turned-actress that I can’t hate, because no one can deny their love for A League of Their Own. Snaps to you, Madonna. You’re representing us well.
But yes, overall, now that leggings have officially made it back to popular culture, and legwarmers have been seen on non-ballet dancers in public, appreciation is necessary. The skinny jeans are back in, as well as the ridiculously tacky oversized sweaters and t-shirts. Embrace it, it’s nostalgic to go back to your childhood.