Midwestern Gothic

Unique, ubiquitous, and on the tip of your tongue.

Archive for April, 2007

doritos time

first of all, Human Giant is the greatest sketch-comedy to show to grace the small screen in years. if you have no idea what i’m talking about, please click here and then navigate through the videos link to the left.

next, you must watch this video right here! i don’t know what it is about this seemingly idiotic, invented commercial jingle for doritos that gets to me every time but…wowzers folks. this is flat-out funny shit.

please show some respect.

By Robby on Monday, April 30th, 2007 at 4:13 pm | General | No Comments »

sweet, sweet nectar of the gods!

okay, as many of you know, i have a slight obsession with Saved By The Bell . it’s flawed, cheesy, and represents what i really should hate with the world (stupid preppies), but alas, it was my surrogate family from august 20, 1989 to may 22, 1993 and i hold it in high esteem — like a fine cigar.

in fact, my “zacklove” is so lofty that my friend matt and i write outrageous SBTB fanscripts from time to time (check them here) and i pretty much talk about SBTB at least once a week. sometimes more.

that being said, matt pointed me to a wonderful blog solely about SBTB and its lucid, addictive qualities, aptly titled: the saved by the bell blog . the site is a modest little pick-me-up that is prolly one of the best reads on the interweb.

and, for you Coach fans, check this out: the coach blog

great, great stuff here, kids.

By Robby on Monday, April 23rd, 2007 at 10:32 am | General | No Comments »

my vice

i like smells the best. more than touch or taste of feel or sight, i like smells. smells bring me back to places and make memories resurge and flurry back into the forefront of my gray matter like no other sense can. in fact, i have a tendency to almost always smell things before i taste them.

that being said, here is a list of my favorite smells. if you’d like to bottle any of these and give them to me as presents, i would give you a great big bear hug.

these may be subject to change as i recall more and replace others.

here they are in a particular order:

1. burnt skin - like after a long afternoon on the beach under the hot sun, skin (all skin) has a certain smell to it that is just so intoxicating and so reminiscent of more lighthearted things

2. fresh-cut grass - this just makes me think of summer, lying in a big pool of green after the lawn has been recently mowed, the smell just takes you over and is so earth-shatteringly wonderful

3. outside after a rainstorm - but before the worms come out…it always smells so innocent and fresh after a rain, but when the creepy-crawlies surface it turns rank real quick

4. gasoline - yes, i said it

5. pages of an old book - the they ink settles in an archaic book and the way the smell wafts to your face gently with every page turn — almost too much to bear sometimes

6. chlorine - something about it just tingles my senses

7. brewing beer - the smell of bubbling churning hops and grains mixing and mashing together is like nothing else you’ve every smelled before, so homey and inviting

By Robby on Wednesday, April 18th, 2007 at 9:01 am | General | No Comments »

thoughts of a wondering nature

their little faces shining at me. their little buttons unbuttoned and their little zippers unzipped and their little eyes full of wonder full of grace full of life and i see his face. young jaundiced lovers we pranced and prattled. we told whispers and secret things beneath breaths. we did these things. sun beating on us he had me. he had me and i was hooked. we had one another. lying hoping and wishing his gliding fingers gliding and feeling and memorizing. i was his. we knew one another. we became one another. then i was stolen. then i was stolen and then i was dead. his kore was taken and she was hidden and she was mashed into a thousand pieces with his hammer and buried and she came back. she came back and she was wrought of iron.

sometimes when i lose myself, when i lose myself i am gone. i am among the wheat growing tall it rises over me like a shadow dark and sinister creeping in at night heavy with the smell of cigars.

and he stands tall over me and he smiles and i point my index finger to a glass-walled box with dark swirling matter circling inside his face changing from joyous laughing to horror and dismay. he cannot believe it. and i am here, sweating his sins for eternity. he perspires my transgressions. his tears my hopes his blood my very soul. and the boulder lifts far up and straight overheard, hauled in a granite canyon forever hauling the thing. legs shackled. stale stench of rotted meat hitting me and the path worn and wicked winding up and up.

his beady eyes stare at me and i know where he’s been.

and he came at me and grabbed me and again we saw the stars.

By Robby on Wednesday, April 18th, 2007 at 8:46 am | General | No Comments »

miss me?

i thought so.

By Robby on Monday, April 16th, 2007 at 9:50 pm | General | No Comments »

something to ponder on friday the 13th

me: so, SBTB Hawaiian style was one yesterday
Matt: i know i hate that show now
me: and i’m confused about something, and stop me if we’ve gone over it before
Matt: ours is much better yes?
me: well duh but they are on vacation, sure…kelly meets brian, her grandpa’s lawyer…and they fall for one another but SHE’S IN HIGHSCHOOL on vacation and he’s a lawyer, at least 30,
and they flirt in front of her grandpa!
Matt: all i know is zack falls for the girl that plays the chick in the seinfeld episode with tyler chicken
me: and he says “i really ant to get to know you better too”
yes, and she has a kid
and what screams security like dating a high school prep
WHAT IS GOING ON!?
Matt: i don’t know ok
the show is really stupid
me: i need answers bad, you have no idea
Matt: look, our sbtb scripts are a lot better than the originals
me: yes, i know
what do you want from me?
Matt: stop watching the show
me: easier said than done
ugh
Matt: not for me
me: well, you also have no soul, so there you go
Matt: i flip it on in the morning and say “this is real stupid” then turn it off
me: well, you are my hero matt, there…happy?
Matt: no
i want to be your god

By Robby on Friday, April 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm | General | No Comments »