Kitty kitty bang bang
Here we have it, folks…the idiot of the week! A Florida man was found dead and wedged in the cat door of his girlfriend’s house. Seriously. I didn’t even know they made cat doors…
Investigators said 32-year-old Charles Tucker Jr. was using the cat door early Saturday morning as a way to get back into his girlfriend’s St. Augustine home after the woman kicked him out.
Der! Now, before we dissect this article any further…c’mon! I mean, I guess this is survival of the fittest and thinking that you’re going to fit through a cat door is just…well…really, really, really stupid. Perhaps he was trying to reach up and unlock the door, but still…how do you die in the process? Supposedly,
several hours after his girlfriend told him to leave she found him stuck in the cat door.
To illustrate what this may have looked like, in a rather hilarious manner, check this out:
But unlike this fatty catty there was no sign of a struggle and he definitely did not yell for help. Something doesn’t seem right here. I mean it could go a few ways. Tucker could’ve somehow contorted himself in such away as to restrict air from getting in his lungs resulting in suffocation, which seems the probably cause, or he was poisoned by his would-be-ex who couldn’t stand that other women would be pleasuring him in the near future because he had just broken up with her. I’m leaning toward the latter, personally, because if that was me, I’d be making some pretty prominent gurgling noises at the very least to get some attention. How could she not hear him struggling, which would have happened inevitably? Unless, as I’ve put forth, there’s a darker side to this tale…
Or it could just go back to this guy being a braindead ignoramus. Jesus, how do you fail at unlocking a door and die in the process?
Yes, all life is precious…all life except his anyway. I wouldn’t go out of my way to wish anyone dead, but with a jackass like this…well, seems pretty clear what Mother Nature needed to do.
Oh, and they still haven’t officially released the cause of Tucker’s death, although I’m willing to bet it’s a combination of years of inbreeding that resulted in his brain being half the size of a normal man and a crapload of meth. Just a hunch.
Check out the article here.
Ciao.