Midwestern Gothic

Seriously, if this has ANYTHING to say about where robotics is headed, then it is going to be one ultra-creepy future, folks.

The robot-in-question’s name is Simroid and she is the stuff that nightmares are made of. Simroid was unveiled at the 2007 International Robot Exhibition in Tokyo and is used primarily as a training tool for dentists. Check it out for yourself:

See what I mean? Jesus, gives me shivers every time I see it. Supposedly she was built with “air-powered muscles and soft silicone skin” and her mouth is overloaded with sensors. These sensors alert whatever poor schlock is using her for target practice that he/she’s made a mistake.

And to express her pain, she grimaces, moves her hands and eyes, and says, “That hurts.”

Wow. I just can’t imagine how these people sleep at night. Simroid is so lifelike that it’s like performing dentistry on an actual human being! Whoa, what a radical concept.

So why is this thing even necessary? Who knows. But the good news, practitioners of teeth, if you get real lonely preparing for an exam and you find yourself all alone with Simroid, fear not!

for an extra touch of realism, Simroid exhibits a gag reflex when instruments are inserted too far into her mouth.

Yes! I could so go there, but I won’t. Self-restraint, folks. Self-restraint.

Kokoro Company Ltd., the creator of the automaton, is also responsible for Actroid, the receptionist robot which, while horribly disturbing in its own right, is still light years away from the creep-factor Simroid oozes from every one of her engineered orifices.

And hell, these things evolving artificial intelligence and taking over would be the worst. I’d much rather have huge mechanized things like in the Matrix films - at least you can’t mistake them for strung-out Asian chicks.

Check out the article over at Pink Tentacle.

Ciao.

Dear Comcast,

You suck. I have no idea how you stay in business.

In the time I’ve procured internet service from you, three months by my reckoning, you have disappointed and showed incredible ineptitude at every point of contact.

The Price Comparison

Like any good consumer, I compare prices when I shop. Little did I know that I’d be comparing no less than 5 different and distinct prices from Comcast on the internet, over the phone and through another company’s promotional offer. Also, good job mislabeling your “Internet Only” package online. I guess I should know “Internet Only” actually means “Internet and Phone”, I’ll do my homework next time.

The Installation

Thanks for completely blowing off the appointment to install my internet and making me waste a day off work because you can’t seem to schedule anything without a four-hour swag. Also, thanks for informing me when I called you to complain that you actually rescheduled the installation, and updated my account on your website to inform me of that fact. I’ll hop on the magic internet connection you haven’t installed yet and make sure I get the date right next time.

The Second Installation

Thanks for showing up an hour late and staying until 7. Another thank you is in order for making sure to tell me I needed the condo association’s permission to subscribe to your services. I really enjoyed scrambling around with a hungry, cranky toddler and a spastic dog.

The Move (Setup)

Moving time! I should just be able to call and things should go smooth, right? Sounds like it, except my internet stopped working the day after I called to transfer. I’m wise to your ways now, Comcast. I knew you had just stopped my current connection prematurely.

Sure enough, I called and you told me I can’t have two addresses on the same account. I called back a week later, and the rep I talked to seemed to have no trouble keeping my current connection running for the five days before the installation at the new home would occur. I appreciate the unnecessary run-around.

The Second Installation

Thanks for sending a cracker-jack tech guy to install my internet. He was at my house for maybe two hours before he said, “Hey man, I can’t get this to work. I keep getting an error message.”

Sometimes the easiest answer is the most obvious one, Comcast. It took me 5 minutes to figure out that your tech guy was using a bad cable modem. I told him to try a new one. With my help, everything got set up in a snap. I’ll be expecting my paycheck for successfully completing an installation on Monday between the hours of noon and five.

Sincerely,

Jef

Update! Co-worker Jenny told me about how the Comcast installation guy actually fell asleep in her living room floor while waiting for a pingback from the system. Nice!

Now, if you aren’t aware, Michigan is a haven for hunters. In fact, you could pretty much divide every single person in the state into two categories: those who know how to bleed and gut a buck and those who don’t. (And everyone who writes for this website is in the latter, I’m afraid, so women keep ‘em closed.)

Regardless of what your penchant for hunting is, I think it’s a little ridiculous that Wisconsin has a 9-day deer hunting season. Why? For starters, it causes everyone to act a bit more hasty, having a short amount of time to bag their prize and as a result, more fatalities and near-misses. This season alone three people were killed. I mean, space things out a bit, see what happens and maybe we can avoid this:

The first hunting fatality was an 18-year-old Saxeville man who was fatally shot by his 63-year-old grandfather who mistook him for a deer Nov. 18.

Jesus. Really? Sure, you’re trying to be all super secretive in your hide waiting for a deer to pass under you and the slightest noise may startle you into firing your rifle (um, although it shouldn’t), but isn’t there a split second before you fire where you see your grandson peering back at you under his bright orange camo jacket and you use that noggin of yours to decipher that a white-tail deer doesn’t wear a Metallica teeshirt and a sexually suggestive trucker hat? C’mon, folks.

Now, I’m not sure why Wisconsin’s season is so short (and quite frankly, I’m too lazy to look it up), but I’m assuming it has something to do with deer conservation. That’s all good fun and whatnot, but having a hunting season that short, as I said, is just plain ludicrous. No one ever does anything right when they’re pressed for time. Think about writing papers for school the night or morning before they’re due because you’re a hopeless procrastinator - 9 times out of 10 they aren’t nearly as good as those kids who worked on them weeks before with no pressure bearing down on them. Same goes here: 9 days to catch a deer will result in people who are already idiots acting even more idiotic.

And the stats? Well, there’s

more than 630,000 hunters took part in the 2007 hunt, hoping to bag one of 1.8 million deer roaming the woods at the beginning of the season.

Now that’s a lot of itchy trigger fingers, I’d say. Yet another reason to avoid Wisconsin from late September to mid-April, I’m afraid.

Check out the article here.

Ciao.

Feel like this?

Good. Then you successfully enjoyed Thanksgiving.

Nice work and ciao.

In a bold statement, the United Nations blamed celebrity cocaine users of glamorizing global drug trade. Specifically Amy Winehouse.

Rock stars, like Amy Winehouse become popular by singing, ‘I ain’t going to rehab,’ even though she badly needed and eventually sought treatment. (Antonio Maria Costa – U.N. Drug and Crime Office)

You heard it here first, folks. Amy Winehouse is the first artist to sing about and do drugs. Somehow Kurt Cobain and Ozzy Osbourne defied scrutiny. And if these accusations weren’t enough, Costa further explained:

…that it threatened the “complete collapse” of some impoverished West African nations, where certain governments were now vulnerable to the damaging influence of drug money.

I’m a college educated, clear-headed logistician. I know you solve problems by defining root causes.

1. Amy Winehouse buys cocaine from drug dealer.

2. Drug dealer buys large quantities from drug distributor.

3. Drug distributor buys mass quantities from drug smuggler.

4. Drug smuggler buys from supplier in Third World country.

5. Third World country and importing country fail to stop this transaction.

If Third World countries are damaged by drug money, they can start by policing themselves. Stop drug trafficking. Amy Winehouse is an individual with an addiction. To hold her responsible is assinine. As an organization which exists to police the world, I would say it’s your job.

Besides, I would hardly accuse Amy Winehouse of glamorizing the use of drugs. Do you find this glamorous?

From all of us here at Midwestern Gothic, we want to wish you a fantastic holiday week. Our posts will be sparse (if we post at all), so enjoy your time off (unless you work retail and if you do good luck, buddy), and stuff your fat face full of deliciousness.

And, if you’re one of our six non-American fans, grow a pair and start celebrating T-day with those you love (or kinda love, it’s all good) and enjoy the greatest holiday ever.

Gobble gobble and ciao.