Midwestern Gothic

The title to this little piece is a pun, if you will. You know, a play on words? I’m not referring to a sexual position, but rather this story of a man who married a dog in India this week.

Supposedly the man, 33, told reporters that he had endured 15 years of suffering as a result of stoning two dogs to death, bringing on a whole string of bad luck. He claims the worst of the voodoo was when:

“my legs and hands got paralyzed and I lost hearing in one ear.”

Hmm. Maybe it was a result of drinking toxic water and going malnourished for years? Anyway, he finally grew tired of his constant misfortunes and visited a psychic who told him the only way to make amends would be to marry a dog. Yes, that’s exactly what I would have told him. Marry a dog.

Now, there are some peoples in India, deeply religious peoples, who believe that marrying an animal can ward off evil spirits and curses. Fine, whatever. But my big question here is how did he pick what dog would be his bride? Did he pick on cuteness? On personality? I mean, did he find a dog that he was just so attracted to and then was like, “Yeah, that’s the one” - is that what he did?

Because man, I just don’t get it. I’m a fervent believer in making your own luck. Sure, I don’t know the circumstances of why he stoned the original two dogs, and considering it was so long ago, maybe he did it purely out of teenage angst, but do you think his luck with the ladies of New Delhi is going to improve after this ceremony? Would you want to be known as the chick who married the guy who married the dog?

I thought not.

And will they get a divorce or are they married for life? I’m so confused by this. Oh, and the best part of the article by far is the last bit:

The paper said the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.

Yes! A bun! Take that you bitch! (It’s okay, because female dogs are called bitches…see?)

Ciao.