Film Snob: Sex and the City
Seriously. It’s filming now. Right now. And holy crap what a waste of time/money/energy/whatever! Now, I’ve been privy to more than a few episodes of that gut-wrenching, train-wreck of a show and if you haven’t seen it, let me clarify: IT IS HORRIBLE. Just really, really bad. And now a film? I can smell it already.
And now there’s even more buzzing among devoted SatC fans due to the release of the very first film still of the production. Woo-hoo. (Click here to see it for yourself, but it’s an extremely boring pic. Real waste of time.) The basic premise of the show (and movie, presumably), from what I’ve gathered, is that there are four friends who sleep around like you would not believe and meet daily at some restaurant to bitch and moan about why they can’t find happiness with the guy who snores in his sleep or whatever. The main characters are:
- Carrie: She’s the writer. Has strings of boyfriends that never go anywhere and she always goes back to the elusive Mr. Big (played by Chris Noth, the only saving grace of the show).
- Samantha: Seriously, she needs to get tested. She’s the fun-loving “slut” of the group. I hate her voice. She annoys me. And I’m not sure if they already did it or not, but they should’ve had an eppy addressing the fact that her hoo-ha must be riddled with disease. Perhaps in the film.
- Charlotte: The only memorable thing about this character is that the actress playing her appeared on Seinfeld a few times. And seriously, Kristen Davis couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. She’s bad.
- Miranda: I loathe everything about her. And not just her, but Cynthia Nixon. Her stupid hair, her weird lips that seem to just be off in some odd way, her beige-colored teeth. Seriously, I do not like her. At all. Ever. I want her off my planet.
Now, after reading that, and realizing that the premise of the show is about these women trying to find happiness, how and why would they even make a movie? What’s left to discover? That they are even more pathetic and debauched than the 94 episodes dictated previously? Jesus. I mean, didn’t they wrap this up? Unless Carrie turns out to be a mutant and the city of New York is in peril, I can promise you there is no new ground to tread on here.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on women who like the show. This is not real life, ladies. You know who actually experiences things like the characters in the show do? The actresses playing them. Not you. You will be married to your significant other/douchebag for the rest of your life and you will never, ever do anything remotely as interesting as they do on the show. In fact, women in America have more in common with the alienation and loneliness presented in Ugly Betty than Sex and the City. Seriously. Get a clue.
And the men out there who claim that the show isn’t “half bad”?
Well, that’s a no-brainer. They have a girlfriend who owns the DVDs and if you visit the apartment he feels is just as much his as hers, you will of course see his balls plastered on her mantle in a nice and clean mason jar. Men do not like this show. This show sucks. Men like this show when they are in long relationships and liking this show gets them that much closer to getting some on a semi-regular basis. Men do not care about four whiny women in New York, as they are undoubtedly trying to make their one whiny woman happy.
Thus, I know the film will suck and I’m giving it half a cow pie out of five.
(And truthfully, as I mentioned above, it’s only getting that decent of a rating because of the charming Chris Noth.)
I agree with every thing you said except one thing. You said “…you will never, ever do anything remotely as interesting as they do on the show.” This kind of weakens your argument because it implies the characters actually do something interesting in the show. As far as I can tell, nothing ever happens except someone meets a guy, someone has sex, someone breaks up, and everybody says something stupid. If people aren’t already living more interesting lives than these, god help our country.
I see your point and chalk that up to bad wording. What I meant was that every mundane thing these bitches do seems so glamorous and chic. And everyone watching the show, I can promise you, are not glamorous and chic. Thus, it’s a stupid, stupid show.
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=8458931
Sad thing is, this parody isn’t that far off from the show.
Rob, I agree with you wholeheartedly. That being said, I am in a long term relationship with someone who owns ALL the DVDs, and I *AM NOT* a man who thinks “the show isn’t half bad”. This show is awful.
Lindsay once told me “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” was SatC for men. Not true. When woman watch iASiP, and hear Charlie talk about banging a chick with huge tits and not remembering her name, they see this as sexist and immature. When Samanta sits in a coffee shop talking about how small the penis of her massage therapist is, this is juicy gossip entertainment. The fact that she is sleeping with her massage therapist is deemed bold, everything an independant, strong woman stands for. You get what you want sista! If Rob sleeps with an asian massage therapist on the job, he’s sick, gross, demeaning, and disease ridden.
i’m not really sure why women love this show so much. it paints the picture that women are skanky whores and are fickle, indecisive retards.
carrie apparently loves to be mentally fucked with judging from the fact that she is constantly rejected but runs back to the same men and begs for more; and she spends all her money from “writing” on shoes for first dates.
samantha (who did do an episode where she got tested, but only for AIDS)is a 40something slut who somehow manages to get in the beds of hundreds of men…with the help of date-rape or lsd?? i don’t know.
charlotte embodies everything i hate about women with the mentality that she can only achieved a fulfilling life if she has a husband and dozens of children; and don’t even get me started on that fat ginger whore miranda.
anyways, this show makes me ashamed that i am a woman.
gross.
Haha, Kimberly called Miranda a “Ginger Whore”.