Nick Rant: Business Attire
I’ve held three jobs in which “business casual” was proper workplace attire. I’ve held three jobs in which coworkers take dress code liberties that irritate the hell out of me. And the irritants are:
Black Jeans: Black Wranglers posing as dress slacks. If you didn’t notice them before, you will now. They’re everywhere. Black jeans are usually paired with button-up denims, and boot shoes posing as dress shoes. Have you ever seen loose, comfortable fitting black jeans? Chances are, your coworkers’ are too tight, and you know them a bit “too well”.
Shirts on Females: All females wear blouses, polos, button-ups, etc. untucked. If a man doesn’t tuck in his shirt, he’s a slacker. Why the double standard? Is there a mystery as to why woman never tuck in their shirts, or am I just a man who doesn’t understand the finer points of feminine garb? Most dress codes don’t stipulate whether a shirt needs to be tucked in, but there is definitely a difference in male and female perception.
Short Pants: The back of your cuff should touch the sole of your shoe. Done. If I can see your socks when you’re standing straight, your pants are too short and you’re pissing me off.
White Socks: You’re not at the gym, you’re at work. White socks are not allowed. Black pants, black socks. Khaki pants, brown socks. It is an easy concept that few seem to understand. The only thing worse than white socks, is white socks with short pants. That’s right, the double faux pas. You just pissed me off twice.
So please, next time you’re bored at work, read your employee manual on proper dress code. “No blue jeans” does not refer literally to the color blue. You can’t wear black, green, or red jeans either. Keep the socks non-white, and keep the pants long. That’s all I’m asking. And woman, tuck in your damn shirts.
I will pipe in, if I may, as this topic somewhat goes hand-in-hand with your Dress Code topic, and that is: PERSONAL HYGIENE.
I must confess, in the past I had been prone to maybe skip a shower here and there, especially if I showered before bed.
But brushing your teeth? Non-negotible. Deodarant? They should withhold a paycheck if you withhold the deo-for-the-B.O. Awful cologne you can smell from 4 cubicles away? Well, I can’t help what kind of drug-store crap you put on your body, but I should only notice it if we are having a conversation within a 3-foot radius. (Attn Males over 15: Drakar Noir is NOT a good cologne.)
Now, I must comment on the whole women-not-tucking issue… and I’ll only say this: I promise you, you should be thanking women they don’t tuck. Most of us are hiding stuff we don’t want to be seen, lest we don’t have a perfectly flat stomach and maybe are sporting a little premature winter-fat-storage in our guttal region. Since women’s shirts and pants are made to fit more closely to our bodies, it leaves little-to-no room to even tuck without creating a muffin-top. Like I said, you should be thanking us for not tucking.
That is all.
Jeff: Drakar Noir is not a good cologne.