Midwestern Gothic

In a move that shocked absolutely no one anywhere, Christina Aguilera absolutley did not stun fans when she announced yesterday that she was preggers and expecting to deliver her devil-spawn around New Year’s Eve.

And seriously, that’s the classiest picture I could find. Really? You’re not a whore? After searching for what seemed like days for a photo of Christina with a substantial amount of “clothes” on, I only found this one, where she’s wrapped in bed linens. Jesus. Get real.

In this article from CNN, Miss Aguilera goes on to break the news to her last two fans:

“I want it get it right, to balance (motherhood) well with my career”

Wait, what career? I mean, weren’t you the third person involved with that Brittany Spears/Madonna kiss thingy a few years back on MTV? Or was that Seal? I mean, it could have been Seal. I think it was, as a matter-of-fact. Well then, what have you done lately, girl? Plus, you’re getting kind of worn out. I mean, you just look tired all the time. Tres disgusting, to be perfectly frank.

Oh, and you’re like the village bicycle…everyone’s taken a ride. Maybe that’s a good thing, though, considering you’re so blown out already that having a kid will be like doing a few crunches or something. No pain, no gain, right?

We here at Midwestern Gothic are unbiased in our reporting, btw.

Ciao.