Midwestern Gothic

I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s great. I mean, what could be better? It’s almost in the middle of nowhere, there’s plenty of ocean coastline, there’s the Great Barrier Reef, and I don’t have to learn a new language to understand anything. I think. Sometimes I have to turn the subtitles on during my weekly viewing of Crocodile Dundee. So, it seems like a pretty good place. Or does it?

First off, the government is already trying to censor the Internet by mandating the use of content filters. I know the country is kind of close to China, but it shouldn’t be adopting that country’s practices. And now, for some reason, Aussies are taking World Toilet Day quite seriously. First of all, what is World Toilet Day? Well, at first I thought it was another pointless celebration concocted by a bunch of crazies. You know, like Earth Day. But then I thought about it some more and realized that, as far as designating days for certain topics, the toilet is a pretty good choice. I mean, we all spend time with toilets and some toilets are better than others. So any advancement in toilets should be welcomed by, well, everybody.

But the Aussies are celebrating “dry” toilets that, instead of flushing, separate urine from other wastes that can be used as fertilizer. Now, I’m fully behind anyone that can develop some sort of process to cut waste or reuse the previously thought unreusable. But I’m drawing the line at adopting this new toilet if it means I have to personally store or transport what used to be my lunch anywhere. And if these things start popping up all over Australia, well I just might have to avoid that too.

So, Australia, if you’re listening, stay smart on this one. If you can create this wonder toilet without imposing new fecal responsibilities upon me, we can stay friends. And isn’t that what we want most of all?